Darrell,

It's ridiculous how you are acting, you are a great guy. You will find a girl, and don't settle. And don't treat Kimmy like crap either, you both have had your problems move on, the way you make things sound, seems as if you are just settling and Kim isn't as good as you want. Kim is a good person too, problems have just arose. Talk things out, and if you want her back and she wants you, thats fine. Just don't make here seem like nothing.

Johnna

come commalla

RBE3

I Think your friend is wrong,

I definatly want to wait for a perfect guy before i have sex, Alot of girls just want to be with someone they love and who they feel comfortable and safe with, aspecially for there 1st time.

You'll get your girl soon im sure

Come commalla

Well yeah I agree with that last paragraph that's how I'm kinda of seeing that there is more to it then that but it would take many pages......so you don't need to I already understand...You love her but you already know that she well cheat on you again................maybe in time she wouldn't though you never know.........there is always hope for change.............Take care

RBE3

Things will get better. There are probably people out there who like you  a lot and want you. you seem like a nice guy. just give it time. girls usually fall for the "bad guys" in the beginning but then realize that the sweet guy that's been in front of him the whole time is so much better. trust me.

I would hope that I am beginning to grow on you..:P I love you baby, you know it. I know whenever you make any choice, well not justyou, any human being, we always tend to go back and see if the choice we made was the right one.

What's done is done, and you know how I feel. you deserve only the best in life.

you know what to do.

Hail_Storm,

Are you an idiot or what? You dump one girlfriend for being too fat, and then you get back with your ex who has screwed you over more then once from what it seems, what is wrong with you? I read one of your ex's diaries, and it seemed that you had put her through hell, so maybe you deserve this new girl, she can screw you over, I also read her diary everyonehatesme or whatever the hell her name is, she loves everyone she meets, what makes you think that you are any better, I think in one of her entries she wrote he was my first true love, what the f*** is up with that? First true love? Come one now who has a first true love? Your true love is someone that you love completely and forever, there is no first, second, and third, there is only ONE! You sound like a user too, using girls for your own benefit, I'm sure that you act like mister angel or whatever but come on now you are a player like the rest, you only want one thing and don't care about others feelings. You need to take a step back and not look for a girlfriend, you don't need a girlfriend, you may want one, but you don't need one. You can't make yourself love someone, you can care, but come on now. You need to see where you want to take your life before you end up with a life you hate, such as; a job you don't like, a woman that you don't love, and a bunch of bawling brats. As for money issues, buy what you need, food and such and pay your bills you don't need a phone, from some of your entries it seems like your friends don't care which, don't make them much of your friends, screw the phone, buy things you actually need and keep your budget low so you aren't up to your ears in debt for the rest of your life. You said, " also realized that I'm still not all that better off even with Kim, though I'd be miserable without her." No matter what buddy you are screwed with or without her.  Don't worry about yourself and such so much, don't you have a family who love you? Go to them for help. Well help that they can actually give you. Just because a girl says she wants you don't go all crazy about it, can she actually give you what you want? Online relationships blow, you don't get much out of the deal plus she is a minor, aren't you an adult..which equals JAIL, I bet that after that you wouldn't be complaining about a parking ticket, I bet you would be complaining about dropping the soap, and someone coming behind you, if you know what I mean. Dude get out of your dorm room and have a bit of fun, and get a life before you become insane and with a girl you can't stand.

Signed,

A Big Mouthed Female

just wanted to say thanks for the comment on my entry. sorry i laughed a little at the ticket thing, i know it wasnt funny , but that sort of thing seams to happen to me to ! lol I to ,at times wonder "why me" about things . and the only thing that i can come up with is that things happen for a reason and that  in a strange since of way makes us who we are today. and that we are only human and bound to make bad moves and go through shitty times in life. just always remember that in due time , things have a funny way of working out !

I make mistakes. I make alot of mistakes but you know me. YOU KNOW ME! I am trying Darrell. I am. Andy and I were in several things where his parents werent home, his brothers werent home, and we never even kissed on the lips. I cared for him alot- but friends was as far as it went. I gave my heart away too easily with Bill. I made a mistake. I am still suffering through that mistake because you lost trust in me. You lost faith in me, and that hurts. I brought this upon myself. I did and I am so sorry huney. I feel that we can have another shot- but I want you and I to start all over again. I want to be here for you, anytime you need me, you know where to find me.

I wont ever leave you like that, I wont ever do that. Words cant do this, actions are what show true change. I am growing up, I am 17 years old and I am applying for college, starting my life and I want you to be a part of it.

All I am asking is for you to be here with me, and let me be here with you and help you. You wont ever know what goes on in my head until you are with me. Can you let me show you how I am growing up? I have reflected in the last 6 months. I wound up on a road I didnt like where it was going, so I turned around.

The new way is a little more difficult because I am undoing what I did and trying to move on to fix the mistakes I made. Six months might not seem like alot to you, but to me it is almost eternity. My father lost faith in me, I am earning back his trust. My brother lost faith in me, and i have regained his trust. You lost faith in me, trust in me, and I am working as hard as my self will permit to get it back, to show you I am different. That I have changed.

Words mean little, so watch my actions and allow me to show you that I am waiting for you.

I love you- and you know why. You know why I love you. How long I have loved you. Dont get hurt waiting, but let me show you the me I am now.

Good luck on whatever happens, and what you said about me finding love, I wouldn't call it love, its just like, the world love is a major thing to me, its more like "like" but anyways good luck.

Johnna

this is more of a comment on the last one . i loved the way u said all the things u said it really meant something to my own life.

[arline]

Darrell,

Everything happens for a reason, you are destined to find someone who can really love and take care of you, don't give up, everyone gets their fairytale, it just takes some longer then others. Life is life, live a happy one because it is the only one you will get, don't let things hold you back, if you do that nothing great ever happens, our lives are made better by the chances we take, I'm glad that I've known you, you are a wonderful person who has made me see so many things in a different light.  I'm a better person for have knowing you, I just wish you would continue to email or something. Even if you never email me again, remember that if you ever need a friend, I'm here. I can't do much and I'm not perfect, but I can listen, but nothing is really perfect anyways. Have a great life, keep in touch if at all possible.

Johnna

In my honest opinion I think you should continue on the relationship. I know what it is like to date heavyset people and to be one myself. I recently went from being 202 lbs in November to a staggering 177 lbs now because of excercize and an extreme illness. I know what it was like to be looked at as fat and to not get someone to know from the inside out not the outside in. Now i know what it is like to be stared at for other reasons... neither are choices i prefer.

 You have a rare oppertunity to meet a person you love and not care what they look like. Yes, in weak moments those thoughts come up but you seem to try and push them away. Which i congradulate you for, a lesser man would have given way. Let this relationship blossom to what it is suppose to be and you might be surprised her weight not to matter at all. Heck she might even carry it well.

  I will tell you now there is nothing wrong with you wanting your partner to be more attractive... heck i know almost all of us with significant others have thought... they need to lose poundage, or their nose is crooked, or in my case right now my bfs teeth are crooked, but dont let those things get in the way of what actually matters. I love the guy I am with right now and crooked teeth seem to be a stupid thing to break up over with someone i care for so much. Think this over: Would you rather break up with her over something she probably cant change drastically with becoming violently ill or are YOU willing to change one of your flaws * of not being attracted to someone cause of their weight* to make both of your happier and your relationship healthier?

Darrell,

You know that I'd like to lose weight but it will take time, and I will never be exactly skinny, I have never been small in my entire life, I've been fat since I was a baby. The reason that I think it bothers me so much is that I hardly get to talk to you, and when I do get to talk to you it turns to the weight topic, and It normally starts in one of the lovey dovey conversations, and I know what you go after and looks wise I don't have it.

Johnna

Darrell,

ok well here goes, I've calmed down a bit.

Darrell I know you had no means of really telling me, but I wish you could have emailed me or something about this and how you are feeling. I want you to know that I care about you deeply and I'm sorry about the first comment. I want to wish you all the luck in the world with who ever comes along. Thanks for being a great friend all these years. You mean alot to me, you always have, and you always will.  I just hope she can be what ever you want. I just really want you happy. As for me, I'll always be around if you want to talk, and I think I'm going to give up on love for a while.  I just wish I could have done something to keep you happy, but I guess that isn't possible since I'm here, and you are there.  I'm really going to miss us but I just want you happy, and someone can probably make you happier.  I'll always be here if you need a friend, but other then that I can't do much.  I'm sorry for everything.

Johnna

Sorry again for the first message

Darrell,

Why couldn't you have sent me an offline message or an email or something telling me this so I didn't have to read it online. I know you aren't happy, so just good luck with the other girl. Have a nice life, send me a message or something sometime. God I sound like a bitch but still...see ya

Johnna

Darrell,

          I want you to know that I love you with all my heart, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you, and want to be in your arms. It seems like we are always missing each other but I know that I love you and always will, I want us to spend our lives together.  You are the only person who truly makes me happy.  I never want to lose you.  I can't wait until we can be together, just being in your arms, or kissing your wonderful lips would be the best thing in the world. I just want to be with you. I can't wait until I finally get to see you, and be able to hear your wonderful voice.  You are the only man I have ever loved, and I don't want to lose you.  Everytime you pop into my head my day seems to suddenly brighten and I get this smile on my face, it feels like my heart beats faster, and my body lightly warms up.  Just thinking about you makes me so happy. I don't know what I would do without my amazing guy.  I will always love you.

Love,

Johnna

2-6-05 You are my best friend. You are the person I turn to whenever I need something, or whenever I just want to say hello. I know things didn't quite turn out the way we expected, and I do apologize for that. I will always love you. Forever and ever. You mean somuch to me, you always have been there for me. Shit has happened and you knew in your heart of hearts, that something was wrong. Whenever I needed a hug, even it was just a *hug* you gave me one. You have given me more reasons to smile than anyone on God's Green Earth. You have been there, and I can never say thank you. I can never say I wont ever be your friend. I cant not not be your friend. I cant be with you that way, but I will always be your little sis. I will always be willing to mud wrestle with you just to tickle you and give you a hug. I wont ever lose you. I know I came pretty close this last time, and I never meant to hurt you. I truly didn't. You are the last person in this world I would ever dream of hurting like that. I never ever wanted to make you cry, to make you have pain down inside. I love you Darrell. I just am your little sis, the girl you watch out for, your family almost. You are my family. Black or white, or red or green, I dont give a damn. You are my family. ANd you always will be. I love ya bro. I really do.

Kimmy

hi ! HUGS N CUDDLES :: LUV YA, good luck in life if u need 2 talk i'll be there 4 u homie

happy one month anniversary